Vic Mensa has revealed he contemplated suicide when he was just five in a recent interview. The Chicago emcee, known for his intricate lyricism and unfiltered vulnerability, spoke to Jason later on Hollywood Unlocked and broke down the layers of pain he's been dealing with since childhood.
At 31, Mensa has established himself as a musician who is not afraid to confront the issues not everyone will: mental health, racial injustice, and addiction. But nothing could prepare you for this soul-baring admission. Asked why he was "so angry and reactive" in the early years of his ascension in the hip-hop world, Vic dove in deep and dropped a gut-wrenching revelation that completely changed his perception of his past.
"I found this notebook that I had when I was in first grade," he said. "It was loaded with all the usual stuff little kids have, like 'no girls allowed' written on the outside. But halfway through, it was page after page of, 'I hate myself.' 'I hate myself.' 'I want to kill myself.'"
Hearing such sentiments from anyone is jarring, and hearing them come from someone reflecting on their thoughts as a 5-year-old is devastating.
"That was such grace for myself," he admitted. "It helped me realize that this feeling of not being good enough wasn't something that showed up later with fame or pressure. It had always been there, planted like a seed when I was a kid."
Mensa's honesty removes the stigma that still lingers around discussing childhood mental health, especially for young black men like himself, taught to gulp down their pain and keep pressing on.
"You just walk around pissed off all the time," he said. "But eventually I realized… I can't heal myself or the world from living like that. Yeah, there is a lot to be mad about but maybe it's not mine to bear all the time."
It's a viewpoint gained through suffering and decades of deep inner work. Mensa's path from political firebrand to mental health advocate has never been straight. It has been rowdy, and it's been honest.
Off the mic, Mensa's been stretching his artistry wings into acting and is currently playing Jamal on Showtime's The Chi. It's another platform, another lens through which he's electing to tell real stories that might make a kid out there feel seen.
In the meantime, Vic Mensa's voice isn't only shaking things up in music but reverberating through some of the most challenging conversations we have to have. And maybe that voice helps someone else put their pain on paper and find peace in it, too.
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